Ryder's One

The baby just had his first birthday, and although he didn't have the slightest clue it was a special day that's just how immensely he is loved daily.

 Ryder. You haven't been the easiest baby, but you could have been any way in the entire world, and I would have cherished you just the same. The day you were born was the hardest of my entire life, and next to the lump in my throat every day since has been a swollen part of my heart just for you boy.

You would think the fourth time around I would have grazed through the motions, knowing where every milestone corner leads us. I didn't though. I wiped the professional baby maker/caretaker slate clean, and I followed your every cue, every growth, every moment with a deep breath committed to cherishing every fleeting moment of your first year. It goes too fast, and forget the parenting stuff I thought I knew, that is the one thing I do know.

and I was right.

Your head only held on to newborn smell for a few short weeks, but don't think I don't still smell it anyway.

Your toes wiggle now inducing giggles when I brush my fingers across them, that is if you're sitting still long enough for me to catch them.

I still kiss you, side ways on the bridge of your nose to your forehead, and despite the awkward positioning, I do it because I've done it since the day you were born, and I want to savor every day until I can't.

You still ball your fists up on my chest and cross your ankles on my lap when you nurse, and I would be lying if I said I don't close my eyes and pretend you were little enough again to not crawl away when you're done.

You are still the lightest sleeper on planet Earth, yet I still venture around you while you sleep to watch you dream.

The dishes, laundry, chores don't stand a chance on the days you doze off in my arms because there's not a thing out there that is more important to me than holding you close.

Happy 1st year, Ryder.
Thank you for teaching me how to cherish the details in the short time they exist.

P.S. I'm sorry that I sometimes still try to swaddle you.